COURAGE...

I started a new book with my Bible study group this week.  The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.

As I began to read the first chapter I didn't get very far before I realized how much this book would speak to my heart, my struggles, and my life.   According to Brown, the gifts of imperfection are courage, compassion and connection...honestly, I didn't get past courage!

Brown writes, "Courage originally meant 'To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart.' Over time, this definition has changed, and, today courage is more synonymous with being heroic...I think we've lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we're feeling, and about out experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage.  Heroics is often about putting our life on the line.  Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line." (p.12)

So what does courage look like?  

                         

... well maybe not like this, but 2 Timothy 1:7 says,

 "For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice,

 but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline."

Courage is strength, confidence and boldness to live life filled with the Holy Spirit!  I think for a long time my default operating system has been set on timid - I am shy, often a little afraid to speak my mind, and definitely overly cautious.  But, this week I remembered that God did not give me a timid spirit and as the Message translates the verse, God doesn't want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible. 

Brown ends her short description of courage with these words, "Courage has a ripple effect. Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver." (p. 15)

I have taken all these things to heart this week.  I know that I can not change my ways over night but for now I will continue seeking to be bolder, more courageous, and even brave - because I remember who I am as a beloved child of God!

Once Upon a Dream...

I have been on a job search now for almost two years…being a Pastor is not an easy job market to be in these days.  Never the less I continue to send out my resume and wait months before I even hear one word from the search committee.  Most often the response I do receive goes something like this, “You have such wonderful experience and passion but we feel you are not a match for what we are looking for.”  I then wipe the tears from my eyes, pick myself up from the crumpled mess on the floor and I begin the process all over again.  Needless to say it has been a very frustrating and often disappointing process but I continue on because this is the call that God has placed on my life.

Twice yesterday I was asked, “What is your dream job?”

I don’t think I have ever really thought about my “dream job”…at least not in the specific way that gives it a title and job description.  I truly want to be faithful to where and what God is calling me to do.  I have served as an Associate Pastor at a number of churches.  Some were good experiences while others…not so much.  I have learned a lot about myself and developed new skills and abilities along the way.  I have gained confidence in who I am as an Ordained Minister of the Word and Sacrament but I believe I still have much to learn.  I struggle daily with my sense of call and the direction to pursue – whether I should seek an Associate position or a Solo Pastor position – and I have found it depends on the moment, in case you are wondering what my answer is.  But, even then I don’t know what my Dream Job would look like…

But, the more I have thought about this question in the past 24 hours the more I think I have always had a dream job in my mind.  For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be a wife and a mother!  I have always wanted to be just like my mom…who is an amazing mom!  I love children and I have always dreamed of having my own family, raising children, and growing old with the love of my life.  And yet for me this seems to have become a distant dream…almost unattainable…as I am on the edge of 42!  But, as I was lovingly reminded yesterday, nothing is impossible with God!

It is difficult sometimes to think about my life and the dreams I once so vividly had and not become depressed and disappointed with what I have missed out on…because then I look at my life as it is and see all the amazing things I have accomplished, the places I have been and the people I have met.  I think about the past 14 years I have had with REV. before my name and the amazing things I have been able to do as I have served in the church.  And now I look forward to being able to add DR. to that in the near future.  I still have the dream of being a mom – I think that would truly be that best job a girl could ever have- it just looks different from what it once was.  So for now I continue to dream about the future…knowing that it is God who holds my future and it is God who wants the best for me…more than I could ever hope or even imagine.  Until then, I will faithfully continue on my job search…one step at a time.